R.I.P. TiVo

We turned on the TV last night, and the unthinkable happened. It didn't come on. Actually, the TV itself did, but there were apparent indications that something else was awry. A lovely gray screen with the words, "Welcome. Powering Up...." at the bottom. When there should just be live TV. After 10 minutes--"Welcome. Powering Up....". Unplug it and plug it back in. Know what I get? "Welcome. Powering Up....".

In November of 2003, I made what has probably been the best decision of my electronic/entertainment life (besides going to work for a Blockbuster franchise, where all movie and game rentals are FREE) by purchasing a TiVo receiver from DirecTV. All the ads say something to the effect of "It changes the way you watch TV." As cliche as it sounds, I'm here to tell you......it changes the way you watch TV. Of course, TiVo is just a name brand, but what I'm referring to is the whole DVR concept. But if I'm ever in front of somebody else's TV, I actually find myself wanting to Pause live TV or hit the "replay" button to hear or watch something over again. And don't even get me started about commercials. I'm telling you......If you ever get it, you'll understand.

It always records Survivor for me, even if CBS changes nights on me for the NCAA tournament. It always records General Hospital for Leah, even if the local affiliate bumps it til 2:00AM for the men's SEC basketball tourney. Etc etc. So when DirecTV tech support said, "Your unit is locked up--you need another one", we told them we'd offer any worldly possession to get a replacement. Oh, only $49? Cool, send it on....(I later found out on a TiVo message board that the hard drive is hosed). But in the meantime, we're back to pre-TiVo life. I think I need a support group.....

Once Upon a Time...

Actually, it was 11,688 days ago (remember: '76, '80, '84, '88, '92, '96, '00, and '04 were all leap years) when yours truly came into the world (that's 32 years, in case you hate long division). I tipped the scales at 5 lbs, 14 oz (I was about 6 weeks early) and had successfully kept my mom awake late into the night--I was born at 12:46AM. My mom was recalling this morning how she went to sleep after having me, and then was told when she woke up that she couldn't see me just yet because I had jaundice and was chilling out naked under a lamp with cotton taped over my eyes (The first and only time I've been in a tanning bed).

I think for the rest of the day I'll tell people that ask, "How old are you?" that I'm 384 months. Heck, mothers do that for their kids--a 3 year old instead is "36 months." Yep, I'm 384 months old. I think I'll celebrate by getting naked and going tanning. OK, never mind.

Where's the Academy NOW?

It seems that all 1137 loyal watchers of FOX's Arrested Development are trying desperately to save it--never mind the fact that, oh yeah, RATINGS SUCK! What??!! This Emmy-award winning "Best New Comedy" is going in the tank? How can this be? But all these snotty-membered academy voters said this was a very worthy show. I'm shocked I tell ya....shocked!

You see, I'm sticking up for my boys Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. Last year, Arrested Development was up against CBS's Two and a Half Men for Best New Comedy. The award went to Justin Bateman's show (who knows--maybe they loved his sister in Family Ties). At Christmas time, I saw all these "Arrested Development--Season 1" DVD sets. Dang, things must be looking up.

Let's look at last weeks Nielsen ratings, shall we?? 2 1/2 Men was 9th among all programs. 17.4 million people sat on their couch and watched the show last Monday night. For the season, it's ranked 12th. And I totally understand why. It cracks me up. I mean, laugh-out-loud funny. It has a regular spot on my TiVo's Season Pass. Heck, the repeats are STILL funny (yes, it comes on during the 1st hour of Monday Night Football, but that's what TiVo is for). While Mallory's brother's show can't seem to pull in more than about 6 million folks, and as of May 1st, it getting replaced by a cartoon. All for a show that was hailed as genius and deserving of an Emmy. Just another fine example of how these type of people are in touch with anything BUT the pulse of the American people.

It's a Girl!

Well, because I have been a husband-failure and unable to provide my wife with a baby that she so desperately desires, she decided to take matters into her own hands and pursue one of the 4-legged canine variety. Actually, Leah grew up with dogs (whereas I was mostly a cat person) and has always wanted her own. Thus, Saturday found us in the TrailBlazer for a 155-mile trip (plus the 25 extra wrong miles, compliments of Mapquest) to the booming metropolis of Caledonia, MS.

Horseshoe Acres was the birthplace of the soon-to-be-registered Ryman Caledonia Russell (Calle, for short), an AKC American Cocker Spaniel. Zoom on over to our pets page and see one of the first pictures taken by her proud parents.

Lunchtime Experiment

As a major thoroughfare in Cordova, I am on Germantown Parkway a lot. I am often frustrated by the seemingly excessive number of stoplights, and frequent observations that it usually takes an inordinate amount of time to travel a short distance. Yesterday, I was southbound on this traffic artery, travelling from Hwy 64 to Walnut Grove, and I decided to record a little data. Yep, it seems my disgust was warranted. The results:

5 miles, 16 stoplights, travel time: 11 minutes.

Now, let's do some math (Mr. Glisson would be SO proud):

16 stoplights / 5 miles = 3.2 stoplights/mile. I'm not sure how you get .2 stoplights, but you can't have 2.5 kids, either. We're talking statistical analysis here. If it makes you feel better, that's a stoplight every 1650 ft. On 6 lane road.

Now, I recall that Distance = (rate)(time) or D = r T. Plugging this in, we have

5 miles = (11 minutes) r
* Note: since I want a MPH calculation, 11 minutes is .18333 hours--email me if you wanna see my work.
5 miles = .18333r
r = 5/.18333
r = 27.27 MPH

Yes folks, my average speed for this trek was a whopping 27 MPH. Oh, would you like to know what the speed limit is on Germantown Pkwy? 50 MPH. That's like going 37 MPH on the interstate when the speed limit is 70. Uggh. But being that I work in Cordova, live in Cordova, go to church just outside of Cordova, and buy groceries/pet food/Middle Eastern delicacies in Cordova, there ain't much I can do about it. Except move out of Cordova. Don't think we haven't thought about it!

THAT Liberal Media

You know what I love? When the liberal, politically correct media has to face things like faith and Christianity and thus are forced to blatantly squirm, ignore, and move past the issue as tactfully as possible.

Case in point: This thug in Atlanta essentially takes a hostage, but allows her to retrieve two books from her room: the Bible, and Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. Now, when we have some Islamic militant hijacking a plane or bus, we hear exactly what chapter, verse, & page number was being quoted (and might even get it printed on screen!), and then we get a 2-minute featurette on Muslim practice (oh, and did we mention how bad Muslims are persecuted?). But people like Matt Lauer (e.g., this morning on The Today Show) are clearly uncomfortable with the subject matter, often interrupting the interviewee and instead of asking about the passages, it becomes something along the lines of "That's nice, Ms. Smith, but weren't you scared? Did you feel like you were gonna die?" Then, when she reiterates that her faith sustained her, we are again at a subject-changing transition.

Let's take a quick look at the headlines right this minute of the major news organizations:
CNN.com: Prosecutor: Nichols 'defiant' and 'proud'
MSNBC.com: A Mom's Plea
Foxnews.com: God Brought Him to My Door

Now, I'm not expecting Matt and Katie to rival Jim and Tammy Faye Baker in their religious soliloquies, but would it hurt them to quit leaning so much to the left, and maybe come back a little toward the MIDDLE? Probably so.

Huh?

An error message I received today when starting up a computer that I was working on:

Keyboard Error
Press F1 to Continue, F2 to enter Setup

Somewhere, Bill Gates is admiring his crafty techno-dork staff, and appreciating his own warped sense of humor.

Grizzlies Luck....Grrrrr!

Or Taste That "Home Cookin"!

My poor Grizzlies. Here they are, in the middle of what should hopefully be a 2nd straight playoff-bound season (which was unthinkable 3 years ago), playing on a road trip without 3 starters (one of which is the "star" of the team, and leading scorer), and they get robbed. Not at the hotel, not on the bus, but on the court.

Here's what happened: The Kings beat the Grizzlies on a last-second shot. The game had been tied, and there was only like 1.6 seconds left. Sacramento was inbounding the ball, which would call for the clock to start when the ball is first touched. How it played out was this: they inbounded to their guy--the clock started--and said guy turned around and threw up a prayer (which went in). What REALLY happened was that the inbounds pass was DEFLECTED by a Grizzlies player into the air (this should've started the clock). By the time the Kings guy gets it, there isn't enough time to fire off the shot (SportsCenter did a great on-screen experiment; they basically put up their own clock over the real-time highlight, and clearly he wouldn't had time to get the shot off). Now we go to overtime. Thing is: Replay showed it clearly. All the players knew what happened. The explanation from the officials was basically, "Yep, the clock dude screwed up, but we can't overturn that kind of error. Sorry. You win some, you lose some. Better luck next time."

Now, I'm not down on the NBA. This ain't an accusation that the games are fixed a la WWE Smackdown. It's just that I cannot believe that at this level, with technology as it is, with high-paid players and stakes that are high (playoff berths, championships, etc), that a game is essentially determined by a correctable human error. I understand that fouls and "super stars will get that call everytime" type of thinking (I don't agree with it, but I guess it's consistent). But in this case, the clock is supposed to start when a player touches the ball. Period. Obviously the hometown clock operator is watching for HIS guy to touch the ball, but other stuff can happen. Watch the replay. I understand that you can't say, at that point, "Well, he probably didn't have time to get a shot off if it was done right," but at least acknowledge the blatant error and wipe off the result of the play (i.e., at least replay the incident). Sure, there are a ton of "What if's" in the scenario, but the bottom line is that a friendly "oops, I messed up--but the team won, so what's the big deal" slip of the hand or finger shouldn't determine the outcome of an NBA contest.

Curse of the Mini-Helmet

Long time readers of Eric and Leah's online presence will recall that last year, I wrote about the "curse of the mini-helmet" over on our regular website. Well, recent events force me to reiterate my hypothesis. I just hope Jeff Fisher doesn't call me up and want to deport me to Iowa or something.....

Here's the deal. I have a Titans min-helmet that I acquired several years ago, when going to the first of the annual Memphis stops of the Titans caravan (Pics: '03 caravan / '04 caravan). Essentially, most of the people who have signed it are no longer with the team. So it appears that once you sign my helmet, your days are numbered. Here are all the signatures that I have, when I got their signature, and what they're doing now:

Jeff Diamond, team president ('01): contract not renewed
WR Chris Sanders ('01): not currently on an NFL roster
DT John Thornton ('01): Cincinnati Bengals
DE Jevon Kearse: ('03): Philadelphia Eagles
T Fred Miller: ('03): Chicago Bears
WR Tyrone Calico ('04): currently on roster
DT Albert Haynesworth ('04): currently on roster

There you have it--71.4% of my autographs have gotten the ole axe. Depressing, huh? So if an Titans fan has a player picked that they hate, and you know of an upcoming public appearance, just let me know......the Sharpie will do the rest.

Hey Baby, Let's Go to (Nash)Vegas

I have no idea where the nickname "Nashvegas" originated for the Music City, but hey, I'll go with it. I'm constantly looking for clever blog titles (I was Editor-in-Chief of my award-winning high school newspaper, you know). Plus, that title invokes mental images of Faith Hill, and well, umm.....that just, never mind. Read on. I have nothing more to say about that.

Leah and I took off for our state's capital this weekend, leaving Memphis in the rear view mirror. The purpose of our trip actually stemmed from our visit in January, but quite frankly, any excuse to get a) out of Memphis, and b) to Nashville, is good enough for us. Dang, there were a lot of commas in that sentence.

A co-worker of mine owns a timeshare interest in Fairfield Resorts. Rather than selling a typical "week 34 in Destin for the rest of your life" type interest (and by the way, you can exchange it for a week in Branson IF it's an odd numbered week and you send us a $100 exchange fee), Fairfield does it differently and in a way that allows you to go ANYWHERE. Wanting to just get the "scoop", I submitted an online inquiry on the Monday preceding our weekend trip back in January. Assuming they'd be eager to jump onto the in-their-laps lead, I awaited contact. Nothing. Zilch. So I called the 800-number (which apparently is the main office in Orlando). The guy said something to the effect of, "Dude, don't deal with the property--it's super high pressure, and you're better off dealing with us directly." So I hung up.

Long story, even longer. We made it to Opry Mills (surprise, surprise) that weekend, and approached the Fairfield Nashville kiosk and said, "Nobody called me back, dammit, but I'm interested in getting info." We set up a tour, gave a small cash deposit (which we'd get back when we toured), and selected our gifts. For those of you who don't know, you can make off like a bandit with these people, because they shower you with suck-up gifts in exchange for a "90-120 minute presentation about our property." This is a standard practice for all of them, but if you have the power to say "NO!" 312 times, it can be worth your while. We rescheduled our tour that weekend for February, which became the weekend that Leah was in the E.R. puking her guts out and warding off multiple infections. So we tried again this weekend. All systems go. I forgot to mention that a couple of weeks after returning home in January, I got an email from some executive manager type at the Orlando office who said he was going through the online inquiries and wanted to know if mine was handled and if I was satisfied. I said, "I can't tell you if I was satisifed because my inquiry was ignored and I had to do my own information-gathering." I gave him real estate spill about how I'd be broke if I handled leads the way they do. So of course he apologized profusely, said that he'd follow up on the communication breakdowns, and offered to let me stay ON SITE when I came up next. No problem dude. So now, I'm not only the recipient of the "Please listen to our 2 hour schpill" suck-up gifts, we're getting the "We're really, really sorry--we promise it won't happen again, and please don't tell 10 friends how pissed you are" suck-up gifts. Please bow to my throne of patronage and I will consider deeming you worthy!

Just to give you an idea, here's what we got for going:

• 2 nights, absolutely free, on-site at the resort
• $30 gift card for Olive Garden or Red Lobster (which we brought home)
• $20 gift certificate for Cracker Barrel
• dinner for 2 at Santa Fe Cattle Company (which we'll use next time)

So, other than paying for fuel and a meal or two (Oh, and Leah's "I have to go to Wal-Mart" trip), the weekend was pretty much free. The resort was nice, we utilized the indoor pool, and we could've even boarded a "Tootsie's Tours" bus or participated in karaoke if we wanted to. I don't know if I've ever stayed at a resort, but it reminded me of a stationary, land version of our Carnival cruise. Lots of activities, and a little newsletter when we checked in about what was going on. T. Graham Brown performs on Wednesdays (I guess times are hard), they offer makeovers, they have a cobbler dessert night twice a week, an honor-system book checkout, and men's hairy chest contest on Wednesday. Just kidding about the last one.

BTW, if you're interested in getting this deal at any of the Fairfield locations, just email us. We'll be glad to help you set it up. If you're interested in price-freezing lodging stays, and giving free travel accomodations to yourself, children and grandchildren, it can be a very worthwhile opportunity and investment.

Signing With the Enemy

It's an emotionally trying time in Titan land. The Titans began last season with one of the best win-loss records since 1999 (or something like that). Then the injury bug, no, the injury ogre, moved into the locker room and cost us tons of starters and about as many games. Suddenly a 4-years-out-of-5 playoff team became a 5-11 disaster. Ouch. No problem--we'll just heal right up and dominate next year, right? WRONG.

First, it seems we have to let 6 veterans go for salary cap reasons. As much as I hate to see my team crumble, I like the system--it keeps everyone on the same "playing field" financially and disallows Yankees-esque spending. Of course, where these big-name starters end up is always intriguing, and can make for some interesting plot lines next season.

Example number one. Our main, "go-to" receiver, Derrick Mason, has signed with the Baltimore Ravens. These guys were probably our most hated and bitter rival a few years ago. We were in the same division until realignment and it seems every game had implications of some sort. They manhandled us in our own place on the way to a Super Bowl, and we showed them the door in the playoffs two years ago. Not that Mason would say, "I can't really sign a contract with you, because I've hated your guts for the last 5 years," but it is still a very intriguing move.

Wondering when Mr. Mason will meet his former team? Happy to help. This season, in Nashville, as a matter of fact. Somebody show Mr. Mason the visitor's locker room, please. But I'm sure Nashville will be very supportive of him--he's a great player and the Titans wouldn't have half of their accomplishments without some of his plays.