So, Where is the Newspaper Delivered?

So we have this grown man who currently has 6 kids with 3 different women (one of which is an ex-wife and yet another is a current live-in girlfriend), saying in a court of law that he actually lives in two places and financially supports both households.

Oh, and did we mention that the ex-wife says she's pregnant by him? And the guy is 62 years old?

Sounds like a perfect candidate for a knock-down fight on Montel Williams or Maury Povich, right? Wrong! That would be Tennessee Senator John Ford. Gosh, and for some unexplained reason, his district keeps electing him. (I bet Father's Day is hell--appointments now being taken for 2007).

Batting .000

Well, the first of the two playoff games is "in the books." Although I tried to cheerlead for the underdogs, Jeff's Falcons couldn't pull it out. Heck, I don't think they ever had it. It seems like an underdog always wins, right?! Last year, it was Carolina. So I guess it's up to the Steelers. It's kind of a "lesser of two evils" kind of thing--neither the Steelers or the Patriots are real easy to root for.

I'm still not convinced that the Eagles are THAT good. This is the same conference that let two 8-8 teams in. So the REAL Super Bowl is the one on now--the AFC Championship. So I'm shutting the laptop and picking up the remote. And hoping for a .500 record in a few hours.

STOP In the Name of......Safety!!

This kind of rant kinda falls into the category that my good buddy Mike Straka at Foxnews talks about in his weekly Grrr! column. But what is it about the easily understood, 1st grade concept of "Wait your turn" that seems to be forgotten at 4-way stops???

I'm not talking about "Oops, I thought it was my turn, cause we kinda got to the intersection at the same time." I'm talking about blatant, "I'm going now and you sure as hell can't stop me" kind of things. I usually see it from people who are beside (or even behind) somebody whose turn it actually is. But rather than stopping as they should, they just "piggyback" on sombody else who actually had the courtesy to wait. Now somebody whose turn it really was has to wait. Which makes the intersection back up even more. Which means the problem increases exponentially and if 3 more people do it again, you have a 30-minute backup started by 6 cars. OK, maybe that's a bit overboard.

Now, maybe some would say, "Chill out man.....Crap like that will raise your blood pressure." I'm just saying that if everybody took the same philosophy and attitude as these self-righteous and inconsiderate morons, nobody would make it to work in one piece.

Breaking, not Tipping, the Scales

Hear about the woman in Brazil that had a 16 lb, 7 oz baby boy? My favorite quote in the whole story comes from the hospital director:

"Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section"

Really? You think?! I hope so, because otherwise the woman would....uh......nevermind.

Brilliance From the I.R.S.

Well, until President Bush institutes a national sales tax and, more importantly, dissolves the useless heirarchy of government bullcrap that is the I.R.S., January will find millions of Americans eagerly awaiting their W-2 so that they can file their taxes (or, put them away to collect dust until 6:00PM on April 14, like 95% of the rest of us).

So somebody in upper goverment management at the IRS has had this divine intervention of brilliance that people should be able to electronically file their federal tax return for free. Wow! Now, let's think about this....We can use the same technology that the banks, Western Union, etc. use to transfer account information electronically, thereby reducing paperwork and saving no doubt a plethora of labor hours. What a concept!! Of course, cue the liberals who will start a protest that we're putting innocent, seasonal workers out of a job!!!

This is exactly what people like me wanted. The last few years, I've used a product like TurboTax to do all the number-crunching, but I refused to pay 15 or 20 bucks just for the privilege of using the internet to file. I simply let my virtual accountant print out my forms via my own HP Deskjet and slapped at $.37 stamp on there. There's still the issue of filing state taxes, but being that I don't have one, I couldn't care less. Charge 'em 50 bucks for all I care. So, this is the best of both worlds.......I don't have to pay some accountant to do my taxes, and I get my refund a lot quicker. Long live the IRS!! Until the GOP get's a hold of you!

Playoff Pick 'Em

Well, every Tom, Dick, and Harry that watches football is gonna be making predictions this week and next. The NFL's version of the "Final Four" is upon us, with Championship Sunday coming next Sunday, and two weeks later, the Super Bowl XXXIX.

Let's recap: You veteran Front Porch readers (both of you) will recall a prediction I made previously that the Eagles (oh they of sucky division and mediocre talent) might make it to the Super Bowl, but not win it. Everybody is saying how they man-handled the Vikings. Uhh........news flash--They were SUPPOSED TO!!! The Vikings were 8-8 and had other teams and NFL mathematics on their side to even be in the playoffs. Kinda like when your playground kickball team beat the group with 3 fewer people and a kid in a walking cast. Of course, the same people that are saying "This is their year!!" will at some point be saying, "We should've known." So, without further ado and banter, here are my predictions. Hopefully, 3 weeks from today, you'll be telling all your friends how you marvel at Eric's foresight.

NFC Championship: Falcons over Eagles (Atlanta's defense, plus Vick will give 'em probs)
AFC Championship: Steelers over Pats (defensive battle, a bit closer than the Week 8 battle which, coincidentally, took place in Pittsburgh)

Super Bowl: Steelers over Falcons (sorry, Jeff)

Low Wages, I mean Prices...Everyday

OK, I might as well come clean. Over the last several months, I've been engaging in a silent protest of sorts against Wal-Mart. Unless I just absolutely have to, I avoid going there. I prefer the gentler atmosphere, the nicer employees, and overall serenity and retail non-chaos that is SuperTarget (which, in Cordova, makes the decision quite easy. They sit side-by-side, so the only decision is to turn left or right).

First of all, here's why I'm blogging about this. It seems Wal-Mart is engaging in a marketing campaign of atmospheric proportions to clean up their image and "draw [their] own line in the sand". Hmm. Perception is reality, they say (whoever 'they' are). PBS recently ran an hour-long Frontline entitled "Is Wal-Mart Good for America?" So something must be going on, right? Well, in case you're thinking that I'm way off in left field, settle down in your computer chair and read this story of how Wal-Mart screwed the likes of Vlasic pickles, Master locks, and Huffy bikes (Note: This is a pretty long article, but in my humble opinion, it's very thorough, informative, and worth the read). Just to pique your interest, here's an excerpt:

In the years since (former president John) Mariotti left Huffy, the bike maker's relationship with Wal-Mart has been vital (though Huffy Corp. has lost money in three out of the last five years). It is the number-three seller of bikes in the United States. And Wal-Mart is the number-one retailer of bikes. But here's one last statistic about bicycles: Roughly 98% are now imported from places such as China, Mexico, and Taiwan. Huffy made its last bike in the United States in 1999.

So, yes, you can get a good, inexpensive Huffy bike at Wal-Mart. But exactly ZERO Americans were engaged in making that bike. Everytime you buy a Huffy bike, you're giving a job to a Japanese or Chinese or Mexican person. Americans were fired because Huffy's profit margin was razor thin, Wal-Mart's demand was too high, and it was too expensive to pay Americans to work. Bottom line is this: Low prices are great. Nobody would dispute that. But at what cost does average Joe American want them? Long time American employees are out of a job because of Wal-Mart. Companies are losing profit because of Wal-Mart. So go educate yourself. Or just stick your head in the sand, repeat "Ignorance is bliss" 100 times, and say 'Hello' to the 70-year-old greeter the next time you're in there.

So that's why you haven't seen all those patriotic Wal-Mart "Made in the USA" commercials in such a long time.

Happy Birthday Leah!!

Speaking of birthdays, 26 years ago today, my wonderful wife came into the world. Let's see and I was halfway through Kindergarten at Oakhaven Baptist Academy (if I remember correctly, I was working on improving upon my first "N" in "I listen when others are speaking"). But hey, age is just a number, right?! (Unless there's like 30 years difference and somebody has a REALLY big life insurance policy--that's just wrong).

Leah's day began with a breakfast served in bed--ham/cheese omelette, toast, and orange juice. Oh yeah, and orange quarters as garnish. The little bed-server-thingee has a slot for a newpaper or magazine, so I had to endure freakish stares from a cashier while I purchased the current issue of Cosmopolitan magazine last night (must've been the Bedroom Bingo cover story that caused her such great alarm). At least now she'll get to take a quiz to see if she's compatible with her boyfriend, or to see if my emotion-o-meter is where she, Oprah, Dr. Phil, and the editors think it should be.

Of course, Leah had to go to work today, but we'll be doing a little family get-together on Saturday. In case you're saying to yourself, "Crap, I meant to send her a card," there's always e-cards at Hallmark.com or Egreetings.com. Oh, and her email address at home is leahr(AT)midsouth(DOT)rr(DOT)com (note: done to keep email address from being harvested by spammers......change the parentheses things to their obvious symbolic counterparts).

Now, only 75 days until MY birthday!!

A New Twig on the Family Tree

Well, the maternal side of my family just added another member. . .My cousin Kevin and his wife Melissa welcomed a new baby girl yesterday. Allyson Faith Bray came into the world at 12:09PM, tipping the scales at 119 oz (that's 7 lbs, 7 oz in case you don't have your calculator handy and/or failed Pre-Algebra's 'unit conversion' chapter). If you'd like to see the mathematical conversion, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to my house.

Anyway, I digress. For those not intimately knowledgeable of my family tree, my mom has one sibling--a sister. Said sister has three kids. Youngest child of said sister (and his wife) just had the baby. This is a bit of a bittersweet time for them......They lost a stillborn baby, Grace Marie, last January (4 months early), so this is their 1st child but really they're 2nd. Congratulations Kevin and Melissa!!

Proud grandparents are Uncle Paul & Aunt Janie, proud aunts and uncles are David & Dana as well as Jennifer & Al, and proud cousins are Gabrielle & Maddie as well as the Ethan and Emily (aka the Bailey Twins).

ESPNU to Debut 03-04-05

It seems that the folks at ESPN just aren't content sitting on their laurels and admiring their sports network empire (and there are all those unused channels on DirecTV). They are cranking up a new channel in March, focusing on Division I sports and ABC/ESPN rebroadcasts of regional games. Gee, and to think that I've been missing out on women's cross-country at Loyola-Marymount and Chaminade all these years

Community Service Announcement

Think of this post as kinda like one those helpful announcements on TV or radio, like reminding you to change your smoke alarm batteries or to buy a carbon monoxide detector.

If your computer is constantly throwing pop-up ads in your face for online diplomas, mortgage refinances, etc., chances are you have "spyware" or "ad ware" on your PC. This is because several sites sell advertising space, and the same technology that makes web surfing easier (called "cookies") can actually track your visited websites and send appropriate pop-up ads.

So......Here's what you do:
1) Download a free utility like Ad-Aware or Search and Destroy. Make sure you understand what you're doing before installing or using this. But they are very helpful tools, I see them referenced A LOT on tech support websites, and I use them at work almost every day.

2) Get something that stops pop-ups from happening!! If you have Windows XP Service Pack 2, Internet Explorer has one built in. Otherwise, get something like the Google Toolbar that has it built in. NOTE: Many sites have legitimate things (forms, pictures, etc) that act similar to a pop-up and thus get blocked. You CAN turn the blocker off temporarily, or some (like the Google toolbar) will remember it for that site only.

Please don't misunderstand me......I'm not setting up a 24-hour spyware technical support line. But if you know what you're doing with downloads, installs, and program executions, these are great (and FREE!) tools to use.

Eric the Cable Guy

I've never really considered myself to be some super-technical audio/visual home entertainment dork who has $2,000 in TV equipment but sleeps on a stale daybed that was bought at a garage sale. Our living room TV setup consisted of only a DVD player and a satellite receiver. Then came TiVo last fall (See also: greatest invention known to mankind). Last Christmas (i.e., 2003), Leah and I were at family member's house and decided we liked their idea a lot--an under-cabinet "spacemaker" TV in the kitchen that simply played the same thing that the "main" TV did--we both spend a decent amount of time in the kitchen from time to time and this assured that I wouldn't miss any Tennessee Titan TD's if I was cooking at the same time. No big deal--I just installed a jack in the kitchen that was essentially just a "split" off of the signal coming into the big TV. Still not that complex, right?!

A few weeks ago, Leah was watching a DVD and subsequently moved to the kitchen, which forced the observation that the TiVo was the only thing available on the kitchen TV (wait.....look there in the distance.......You see this coming, right?!). "You know, it would be kinda be cool if we could also watch the DVD player in here in the kitchen."

The basic concepts are simple......you connect the red, white, and yellow ends from the OUT jacks on the output stuff (TiVo, DVD player) to the same red, white, and yellow jacks on the IN things (TVs). But now you have 2 things with output and two things needing separate input. And one set of rear inputs on the main TV. Well, my good buddies at Radio Shack hooked me up with an RF Modulator (something that, in my opinion, sounds like you'd use it for an Atari 2600) and some Y-splitter thingees, and now I have a wife who can watch Friends--Season 1 (or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7) on DVD while she's making lasagna.

Of course, this still doesn't factor in my PlayStation 2, but rest assured I won't be interested in playing it in the kitchen. : )