Saying Goodbye....and Thanks

This week has been kind of a sad one for me, as I learned of the deaths of two different people that I was somehow connected to. One, a bit more closer to me than the other, but a death nonetheless. Oddly enough, both men lost their battle with cancer.

The first, and closest one to me, was William V. Hamilton, known to most as Bill. I grew up seeing Bill at Merton everytime I was at church, which was twice on Sunday and usually on Wednesday. For whatever reason, even as a child I was drawn to "Mr. Bill"....He always made a big deal about seeing me and I felt I had a friend that was many times older than me. I literally remember him holding me as young child...Maybe 4, 5, or 6 years old, I don't know....but he seemed at home holding me or any other of the many Merton kids that were around. He didn't have any grandkids at the time....Maybe he was just getting practice. My mom later got a job at City Hall, working in the Public Works department for Bill. I believe she found him to be honest, easy going, a man of integrity....in short, the same Monday-Friday as she had grown to know him on Sunday. Later in my teenage years, he coached a co-ed softball team that we had. I can honestly say that I remember some of his pointers every time I step on the softball field. After "graduating" from the Youth Department, the next logical step was a "Singles" class...taught by, you guessed it, Bill Hamilton. How very much I learned from attending that class.

At the funeral home tonight, I very much got the feeling that he was prepared, and so was his family. His family seemed to be doing quite well. His widow wasn't in black. One of his daughters wasn't, either. The other one was in black and white. Sure, they will have hard times in the near future, and probably forever, to some degree. But I got a very real sense that Bill's life will be celebrated for what it was. To quote somebody from his online Guest Book...."He loved his job, he loved his church, and he loved his family." Good bye, Mr. Bill. I didn't see you every Sunday anymore like the 'old days' at Merton, but I'll still miss knowing that you're around. Obituary

The second one was a District Manager that I worked with at Blockbuster, Dennis Phillips. The DMs had store managers report to them, and they reported to the Ops Manager that was in my office. Dennis was in the Nashville area. I talked to him a lot more than what I saw him, but still felt like I worked closely with him at times. Dennis had been battling pacreatic cancer for awhile, and tried his best to keep up his duties until health prevented him from doing so. Dennis served on the Board of Aldermen of the city of Franklin, a small city outside of Nashville. He kept up a website detailing goings-on in the life of a civil servant, squelch rumors, and began a "Health Update" section when his illness went public. I think he was trying experimental treatments of various kinds, and I believe had outlived his original prognosis. But it was always an uphill battle. One of my former coworkers (i.e., who still works there) called me on Monday with the news, "I thought you might wanna know that Dennis passed away on Friday."

So I decided to jump back on his website and catch up on the last month or so to see how things had been for him. This is where the "Thanks" part of my title comes in. One of the posts from early this month was from his wife.....essentially reprinting a hand-written note from Dennis's oldest son (about 20, I think) written 2/28. From a parent's perspective, I just couldn't mentally let go of this, and I just wanted to share. I don't know Shaun Phillips, but I think this letter shines a bit of light on who he is--a grateful son.

Dear Dad,

I know through this whole experience I’ve not been very open about talking about you being sick and what not and I apologize for that. I don’t plan on you going anywhere anytime soon but that being said I wanted to tell you something that I’ve never said before and I will feel guilty if I don’t get the chance to say these things.

Growing up I guess I was always kind of self centered and selfish. I never really gave you the credit that you deserved. I guess maybe it’s that I am getting older and can look back at the way you and Mom raised me. I couldn’t think of one thing that I would change in the way you raised me. The other day at work me and the Executive Chef were talking and he told me how much they missed me being around when I was in New Orleans and what not. He told me that I bring a sense of joy into everyone’s days when I am at work because of my attitude, sense of humor and work ethic. I cannot take credit for any of those traits because every one of them I attribute to your example and how you raised me. I know you may not agree with me but you and Mom did a damn fine job raising me and Devin. I can only hope that I can do even half as good a job with my kids as you did with me and Devin.

When we were little I never understood some of the things you did. I always thought that you were too strict but in hindsight I can see exactly why you did the things that you did and I understand and appreciate they way you raised me.

You have also always been there for me. I have never had someone that has always been there for me like you have. You have always been a shoulder for me to cry on and for that I am eternally grateful. Be it through Mark or Papa’s death, or any other hard time you have been there for me. Even when you were probably hurting 100x’s more than I was when Mark and Papa died you still had the strength to be there for me. I am certainly not that strong and I honestly don’t know anyone who is besides you.

That has only been exemplified through you fighting through all this cancer bull shit. I would have given up long ago. They didn’t give you that long from the time they found it but you are still here fighting. All I can really say is thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and for making me who I am. I have more respect for you than probably anyone else in this world. I love you way much more than you know and I’m sorry for being a jack ass sometimes. I love you Dad - Shaun Phillips

I don't say this to brag on myself or anything like that. But not long after Nicholas was born, I sent both of my parents Thank You cards. Essentially, I just told them that for the first time, I realized what a sacrifice parenthood is. Thanks for sending me to a private school--I know tuition wasn't cheap. Thanks for teaching me manners. Thanks for making me somebody that I'm proud of being, and that I hope make them proud at the same time. Yes, being a parent is rewarding. But be it money or vacation or job or a new car or whatever....Parents give up so much, but at the same time give so much of themselves to their children. I hope and pray that Nicholas (and any other future brothers or sisters) can thank me someday for making them who they are.

If you haven't told them lately, let a parent know how much you thank them. They don't have to be dying of cancer for you to realize that.